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seeking_beauty
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Name: Allison
Country: United States
Birthday: 6/4/1986
Interests: Music, Dancing, Writing, Friends, Wildness, Sleeping, Coffee, Flirting, Free-reading, Candy, Deep and Complex people
Expertise: Sexiness and Insanity
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  lemonstar14
Member Since:
4/17/2005
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| Whoa...haven't been on here forever! And there's all these new features and crap you can do. Love it.
So...I was surfing through Xanga today (anything to avoid packing because I feel like all I ever do is pack to go somewhere or leave somewhere) and realized that Xanga-users aren't just bored high-schooler's anymore. I mean, remember the days when the only people who used these things were the Asians at NNHS? I just read a few entries from this guy who graduated Wake awhile ago and apparently, he's married, working, and his wife is due to have a baby soon. I'd say congratulations, but doesn't that make me some sort of stalker?
I can't decide if it's interesting or if it sucks that we're forever connected via the Internet. Will we be well into our 20's and still surfing through the Facebook photos and profiles of old friends, trying to guesstimate how often they party, how often they're seeing someone, comparing their first jobs to our own, as if to see how we measure up in terms of success? Who knows, but after I leave WFU I'm considering removing myself from Facebook- It's starting to creep me out. Interestingly, I realized today that my profile still reads "handcuffs and blindfolds" as one of my interests...even though I'm Facebook friends with my summer employer. I feel like this stuff could really screw us over sometime soon.
21 in 5-ish days. I'm hoping some of my fellow counselors at camp will go out with me. We shall see. I miss my friends like BJ, Schlacks and Herbstritt, all of whom I haven't seen in a crazy-long time now. August will be glorious when everyone is reunited...I've already envisioned another pool party...or maybe a few.
Peace and Love Friends! Don't get too excited that I'm posting on here...Like I said, I'm just trying to avoid packing...
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| If anyone is still reading this, I've decided, (sort of?) to come back. I really have no idea where to pick up, but here's the deal: I'm on Spring break. I'm in Florida with a few people from Wake and we're passing the days relaxing, suntanning, reading, and going out to eat. Just what I needed.
When I come back, it's time to jump immediately right back into the semester from hell. Beth's entry made me think a lot about how I've been living my life this semester. The difference, however, is that I can't find it in me to do anything different. Yeah, the world tells us what's important and what we should do to make ourselves look good on paper and what we need to do to achieve the world's conception of "success." And I do these things. I do these things and more. And put a type of unhealthy pressure on myself that few people would even guess to do them well.
No matter how much I try and remind myself that things like straight A's are first of all, nearly unattainable at Wake, and second of all, ultimately unimportant, I'm at the library at ungodly hours working to attain them. Things have got to be done a certain way that takes me forever, and people have gone from joking about how I've gotten lame to simply not even bothering to ask me out.
Anyway, after Spring break there's 7 week's left of this semester. And then...we are seniors. That's scary but exciting. Mostly exciting because everyone will be 21, which means bye-bye frat parties and hello bars! Not to mention that I'll be living with 2 awesome girlfriends in an apartment complex with a pool. Maybe I'll actually become fun again? Hope everyone is having fabulous and safe Spring breaks, semesters...somebody drop me an email sometime since I feel like I've lost touch with everyone.
LOVE,
Ahlizon
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| Some Angry, Debby-Downer Thoughts...
This UK airline terror plot (or however you want to refer to it) is miserable. It just makes me absolutely outraged. What were those people aiming to achieve by trying to kill random people on some random flight headed to some arbitrary destination? It's absolutely purposeless.
Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and ask, "What is the world coming to?" Think about how many places you go and how many things you do that beg the question, "Is this dangerous? How can I make this safer?" And imagine how nice it'd be if you could just do what you wanted, go where you wanted, see what you wanted, and not worry about how other people might hurt you, rob you, rape you...
WHY do so many people have to suck?
I can't believe I ever used to wonder how there could be a loving God amidst so much suffering. Such a dumb question. I bet that 99.99999% of all the suffering that happens is the suffering people choose to inflict on one another.
At times, I've wondered at the human creation, questioned human consciousness, found it beautiful that we can feel and rationalize, perceive and understand and internalize our experiences. I've admired our incredible complexity.
But at other times I think we're some of the most stupid, cruel and disappointing things God could've possibly created. | | |
| Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm going to end up being a clinical psychologist, which is exciting at times and makes me worry at times. It sounds good to me, but I'm not sure I can imagine doing it for a lifetime. Here's what's been going through my mind lately...
Remember that quote in the Bible about how its harder for the rich to get into heaven than it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle?
Of any quote in the Bible, I seem to think about this one the most. At least lately. Maybe because its discussed in a lot of books I've read, but more likely, because sometimes I wonder "what if I DO end up going to hell?"
But the thing to remember is: God doesn't punish us for being fortunate. It's not like, "I made this person too lucky. I gave him/her too much. I'll make it nearly impossible for him/her to get into heaven." It's more like this: God makes you fortunate, maybe monetarily, maybe intellectually, maybe musically or artistically, and He intends for you to use your gifts and make a HUGE contribution. If you've been given a lot, He probably expects a lot of you. BUT, here's the catch: why should you turn to God if you don't need him? It's counterintuitive. You've got so much and you're so talented as you are: why turn to anyone and say "I'm nothing. I need you."
That's what a lot of fortunate people do. They think becoming religious is for the weak or something. For the have-nots. And it's a shame. Sometimes I'm driving around and it hits me like a ton of bricks: I'm TOO fortunate. I wrote in an earlier Xanga that I wanted to die knowing that I'd given back an amount proportional to what I've been given. It's impossible for me to measure this on my own, but what I meant was...I want to make important contributions to the well-being of other people. Put simply, I want to "help people".
And for these reasons, I have a sneaking suspicion I might end up a clinical psychologist. It's impossible to save people and naive to think we can, but helping people THINK in a way that is conducive to living more happy and productive lives...that's important. At least I think so anyway. And it's doing so in a way that doesn't just involve drugs, which are immediately effective but not effective in the long term. It just seems so potentially rewarding. Helping people understand their thought processes and how what they tell themselves affects feelings and decisions and influences the general course their lives take. The power of the mind is incredible, and what we unconsciously tell ourselves is critical. I don't know, it's all so hard to explain. And only time will tell what I actually end up doing with myself, but...yeah, every so often I just feel like...this might be it.
I'm reading a good book called "The Outsider"-- ask me about it if you want a recommendation. | | |
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